Top 2006 listmania!

I’m a sucker for lists, especially at the end of the year. This is subject to change, but here are a few of my top lists. Feel free to send me suggestions, it’s not an easy thing keeping track of all the movies and music that come out each year! Read more »

Boy, you gotta love someone more than yourself.

I was convinced to give Yellowcard’s new album one more shot. Yes, my original complaint was that it was not pop-punk and emo enough, but once I got past the rock guitar intros, I realized it was still Yellowcard. You have to enjoy music that you can scream at the top of your lungs and feel like the song’s about you. I don’t know all the words yet, but I’ve got this one line stuck in my head.

“Boy, you gotta love someone more than yourself.”

I was running late to a job this morning because that’s how I roll. Somehow I am just always late. I was running especially late and gave the lady a heads up. She did not appreciate my tardiness and let me know using the tone of her voice. I was immediately in a bad mood. How dare this lady think the world revolves around her! I made sure she knew I was running late and offered my apologies and that was not good enough — like she had somewhere more important to be. Pfft.

Then, just five minutes later, as I was turtling my way through the parking lot, some lady decides to just walk out in front of me. No nodding of the head or waving of the hand as to say, “Thanks for letting me cross!” She just took her precious time walking in front of me like my car was invisible. Not just walking, more like a trudge. Not once did her head turn to me and I thought, “Geez lady, you think it’d hurt you to pick up the pace just a little bit? I’m running late here!”

That’s when I realized I was just as selfish as my customer had been.

Today was one of those retrospective days. I had a lot of time in the car, I had Yellowcard singing meaningful things at the right times, and I got to hear from people I don’t normally see and they said things I don’t normally hear. I wouldn’t call what I’m going through a mid-mid-life crisis by any means, but I think I have been slowly trying to stop for a second and re-examine my priorities. You know how that goes. For the most part, ever since I’ve moved to Dallas, there are clearly two roads. Good road, bad road. Both lead into that crazy land of the future, something I still hate to think about. And since I hate thinking about it, I’ve been walking that fine line between the roads. But I know they have to split somewhere.

What do I want out of my life? What kind of crazy plans do I have for myself? I still don’t have an exact answer, but the general answer, I think remains the same. I don’t want to waste what I’ve got. See, I believe that I was made exactly the way I was made for a reason and each person affects another person and we’re all just one huge Domino Rally. Sure, I’ll never make a history book, but what I say and do today will affect my family, my friends, and the everyday people I encounter whether I want to acknowledge that fact or not. And so on and so forth, and if you think in the grand scheme of things, what you’re doing today is changing what some person’s life will be like a hundred years from now. That’s a lot of responsibility.

Everybody wants to be remembered. In fact, people do the craziest things to be remembered. So how do I want to be remembered? I’d love to ask my closest friends to see what they’d say about me if I died and my funeral was today. Was I simply the funny kid? Or maybe that really talented girl who played guitar and wrote a few songs. Or the girl that fixed my computer once. Honestly, if I died today and that’s all anyone had to say about me, I would kick my own face and call myself a failure. Okay, I retract the previous statement — I don’t believe you can fail at life, but I believe you can either live or truly die to self and live.

If you pick up a Bible and read I Cor 13, it seems to give a much more in-depth definition of love than Webster could ever offer. It doesn’t matter whether you believe the whole book is true, I can’t imagine anyone arguing that love isn’t kind, love gets angry and love can be rude. I mean, we’re always apologizing when we get like that and I don’t believe love should have to apologize. And if you think about who personified love in the Bible and everything He did — again, whether you fully believe this or not — either way, I don’t think many people can argue that Jesus was a selfish guy. Point to a line in the Bible that hints He ever thought of Himself over anyone save the line, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani!” I think it’s safe to say that love is synonymous with selflessness.

Now, I know I’ll never be remembered as that girl that could walk on water. Or that Asian kid that could heal the lepers. But I guess my hope is that when people look back on my life, they can see what I have learned about love. Hopefully they will know whether I loved the world or whether I loved Christ.

Right now, I know the answer is unclear. I’ve got a lot of work to do.