The baptism went extremely well - I had so much support, so much love flowing into me, that when it came time to share my testimony in front of the church, I just felt love flow out. Thanks to everyone who came out and thanks to those who couldn’t, but sent their words of congrats.
I definitely hit a spiritual high, but knew that to every high, there is a low. It’s in the valley where things grow, so although it’s been a trying time, I know I am just being refined.
I grew up in the Catholic church and got the notion in my head that for every bad thing I did, it was a notch — The more notches, the more certain I knew I’d go to Hell for what I’ve done. However, I could go to confession, spill my guts, and the priest would give me penance. Penance was usually the same - Ten Holy Marys and one One Father. After my prayers, my notches were supposed to be wiped clean. But, even in my young age, I had a feeling there was more to life than this.
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I’ve decided that Sunday mornings aren’t enough for me and that I need to hear more about Jesus Christ throughout the week. So I went to the web site for the church I attended last week and listened to my first podcast. Podcast being just a fancy schmancy way of saying “recordings broadcasted via iTunes.” I didn’t get to listen to Matt Chandler last Sunday, so this was my first taste. I read a little review by a listener that compared him to a Dane Cook dishing out Jesus. After the first minute, I understood why that is a somewhat true statement. Matt is a very passionate, energetic speaker. And he made me chuckle a few times too.
Up until recently, it looks like the church spent twenty weeks diving into one book, Hebrews. So I got comfortable and listened to the first sermon. Thirty minutes spent on Hebrews 1. Oh, and we didn’t even hit the whole chapter, just the first three verses. While I thought it was going to be impossible to have a meaty sermon on just three verses, of course I was wrong.
While I won’t rehash the entire sermon, I’ll hit on one thing I thought was interesting. The first three verses basically talk about communication and how it’s key to pay attention to the tenses used in these Scriptures. The first verse brings up the fact that “God spoke” (past tense) in all sorts of different ways. Not everyone listens the same, so if you read back in the Old Testament, you can see the different ways it appeals to different people. Simple stories you can tell children like Adam and Eve, to poetry in Psalms, to the beautiful passionate love story in Song of Solomon.
But everything changed when Jesus came. I always wondered why it was called the “last days” because these “last days” have turned into over two thousand years. It means this is the last part, the last means of communication. Instead of speaking to us in every which a way, God found it sufficient to simply speak through His son. So instead of being a frustrating term, “last days” actually should be a relieving term - that God spoke, Jesus spoke, and there’s no need for much more.
And one last thing about tenses, in verse three, it says that Jesus “had provided purification of sins.” HAD. There’s no need for anymore cleansing. Our sins are over and done with and no longer should we be slaves to them. I can go into Romans 6:1 and ask whether or not we should sin so that grace should increase, but I won’t today. I just like spending time meditating on what that really means, to already have been purified, to know that God loves me now - not because of what I will become or have been - He loves me in the here and now. Even when I feel in between darkness and lightness and think that “Oh, God’s love will be abundant if I can just reach that top rung of the lightness ladder,” He already loves me.
I forget that sometimes.
The past few weeks I’ve been thinking about the past. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I am not-so-much loving the now and not exactly ecstatic about the future as things are going. Or maybe it is just because I’m starting to realize how much I miss certain people and what they all brought to my life.
I can’t deny it, I’ve seen better days and the best days were spent one fine year in Lubbock, Texas with some of the sweetest, loving Godly women I am honored to have called friends. The best summer was “Bible study summer” when our “Bible study” was really short for “a couple of girls who wanted to love God and others more and had a great time helping each other do so.” I loved eating spaghetti and sleeping on Amy and Magen’s couch - sweet, sweet Magen who came to my rescue after my accident and Amy who decided we should chase bunnies in her Jeep. There were gentle, compassionate Adrienne and Catherine who never hesitated to give me a ride when I had no car and feed me when I was low on money. And, Miss Amelia Doty. Everything she ever said to me was either extremely funny or made me feel beautiful… two extremes, yes, but she is an extreme girl. She randomly called me last night to share something funny with me. I hadn’t talked to her since the summer!
Anyway, I am really just rambling on about things I haven’t forget and don’t want to forget. There are many other of my Phi Lamb girls I failed to mention, like my handful of roommates at 303 that never saw each other but managed to learn how to live and love in an apartment of four girls and moldy strawberries. But after one of the roughest years of my life, I asked God to help me out and for some crazy reason I joined Sigma Phi Lambda. Well, it’s not so much a crazy reason as it was the answer to my plea as God blessed me with a huge group of full of encouragement, love, and just good ol’ fun.
I miss it. Not just those girls, but knowing I had that kind of love completely surround me. Or maybe I just need to open my eyes a little wider and not be so afraid to love as those girls loved me. Or as He first loved us.
My pledge verse:
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39
