Should I stay or should I go now?

While waiting for a client to show up, I pulled out my handy dandy work phone equipped with the world wide web. My confession: I haven’t picked up the Bible in a few months. I’ve been reading The Ragamuffin Gospel and Blue Like Jazz every now and again, but never from the source of it all. So today I broke the separation.

I didn’t know what to read and the phone’s screen is so tiny, but Philippians just seemed to call my name. Impatient and without my stylus, I just decided to start at the beginning. Chapter 1. So I’m reading and reading and am reminded about how much Paul was an amazing character. I mean, who else is happy that he is in chains for Christ? “Hey guys! I cannot see my family, I’ve got these cuffs on my arms, and I have no idea when I will get out of this place. But I have Jesus. And I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” Oh, that crazy Paul.

But the passage that grabbed a hold of me was Philippians 1:21-26.

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me.

I don’t know why I’ve never really paid attention to those verses before, maybe so I could appreciate them now, but what Christian has never said, “I wish I could just die right now and go to Heaven and be with the Lord. Away from sin, away from pain, away from fear…” But this Paul guy. He’s madwhack. He knows to be in Heaven is “better by far,” but he chooses to stick around and continue with his “fruitful labor.” Why? Because He loves Christ so much, Paul wants to let everyone - and I mean everyone - know about his love for the Lord and the Lord’s love for him. No matter the cost.

I sometimes wonder why I came out of my car wreck laughing instead of compacted with the rest of my Mustang. And honestly, there are few times that I wish I was compacted. At that point in my life, all was good, me and God were pretty tight, I had amazing sisters in Christ that built me up, and I could’ve ended on a good note. But here I am. Troubled little Nina in a little valley wanting desperately to be on top of the hill again, wanting desperately to take my friends up with me too…

I guess in a way, I feel tied down in chains. But I can’t let that stop me from loving God and spreading the Truth.