2007 moments.

I’ve been at my parents’ home (the land of dial-up) so I haven’t had a chance to update. For now, here’s my favorite memories of 2007 in chronological order.

Baptism - My mom had me baptized before I knew what that meant as part of the Catholic tradition. I became a believer in 2001 and thought, “once baptized, always baptized.” Something always nagged at me that maybe I should look into getting baptized again, so I did. Actually, I wanted to become a member of The Village and had to complete that as a requirement. I took the mandatory baptism class which made the experience richer. I had my good friend Courtney baptize me as I stood in front of the congregation and my friends and declared my faith. We also had Palio’s pizza beforehand so it was a pretty good day.

The Band - My friend Megan and I always talk about music and our rockstar dreams. She found two other girls with similar passions and we rocked out for a month or so. At first, I thought it was a joke, but then I realized the drummer, Z, was amazing and Megan and the singer, Steph, were passionate about getting this thing going. We had a date set for Memorial Day to play a gig and practiced a lot, getting a few cover songs down. We goofed off a lot, but we also had fun piddling around and even hitting up church together. It was an unlikely combination, but it worked. Sadly, the party did not happen so we did not play, and when I came back from Asia, half the band started their real world jobs. We haven’t played since, but I’d be up for it again anytime.

Week before Asia - The week before my Asia trip was a hectic one. All the packing, planning, working, and my birthday was squeezed in there. All the encouragement I received from friends, family, and strangers was God sent and totally helped me get through the preparations and last minute hesitations. As a birthday gift, my friends helped me out big $$$ time and my bandmates put together a care package, complete with compact toilet paper and hand sanitizers. These gifts and the time spent made my heart happy.

Last night in Asia - I spent almost two weeks in east Asia and met some amazing people. During our last week, we dedicated our time to two of our new friends - seeing the sights, eating new food, and just getting to know one another. For our last full day together, we went to see the incredible fountain night show (while eating KFC!) then just sat outside and talked. I had a crazy moment of peace sitting out there, staring at the neon lights of the city and smiling at the entire experience. I want to go back.

Afternoon in Portland’s Living Room - After reading Don Miller’s books and falling in love with Oregon, I finally spent a week in Portland with my friend Megan. We hit up some hotspots like Powell’s Books and even went north to visit Mars Hill Church in Seattle. But hands down, my favorite moment was sitting in Pioneer Courthouse Square. We bought some lunch from some food carts (I think I ate a Philly Cheesesteak) and popped a squat on the steps. There were loads of people just sitting and chatting and the sense of community was welcomed. Megan and I engaged in some great conversation which topped off the moment. Dallas needs one of these.

Chantanapummas + Wii - I bought a used Wii for a fantastic price just in time for my holiday trip to Stephenville. My brother has been encouraging me to buy one, thinking the whole family would join in perfect harmony to play together. Well, he was right! After all those times my brother and I would play Guitar Hero on my PS2 while my mom danced, we finally had something all four of us could play. I have never seen my mom laugh so hard in my life. She ended up kicking our butts at bowling and laughed every single time she hit a strike (which was almost every time!) Even my dad ended up trying it out and determined to beat my mom at bowling (which he did at 3am once my mom was tired!) It’s my first game console since the PS2 I bought in 2001 and it has already earned its keep. I can’t wait ’til the next family get together and am contemplating buying one just for my parents!

Bring it on, 2008.

Dead.

I was driving home from a friend’s apartment tonight, heading northbound on US-75. Not an ideal time to travel, past midnight on a Friday night on a highway where many accidents occur. I was trying to decide if I wanted to take a toll road home but had just missed my chance to take the cheap way home anyway. As soon as I cursed my indecisiveness, I looked up ahead and noticed a strange traffic jam.

Like I mentioned, there are always accidents on this highway and seemingly moreso during the weekend nights. But as I got closer to the beginning of the jam, I noticed a lot of cars parked on the highway shoulders with their emergency lights on. There was no wreckage. But there were people standing in the middle of US-75.

There were no cops yet, so whatever happened just occurred. A man raised his arms as to signal that we needed to pick any lane, just not the lane they were standing in. I very slowly chose the right lane as the cars around me were full of confusion as well. Naturally, rubbernecking occurred and the traffic was going so slow I decided that I would turn my head to see what was going on just a few feet away from me.

Behind the group of people was a man, laying on the ground. He was on his back, arms sprawled straight out, blood on his face and balding head. His plaid shirt was unbuttoned and I could see his white undershirt. Just white. He was wearing some dark-colored jeans and his boots stuck straight up. There was friction in my soul and my body tensed up. Although I had never seen death before, I knew this man was dead.

I drove on, slowly and carefully as every car seemed to soak it in. It wasn’t until a mile out when my brain put two and two together. There was no wreckage. But the accident was at the intersection of US-75 and I-635, the “High Five,” with five towering overpasses that reach twelve stories high.

He had jumped.

I thought about the odds of me crossing paths with this dead man and why I had those few seconds to gawk at his unmoving body. And it’s strange, I found myself going through a similar process Anne posted last month on flowerdust.net. Why did he jump? What made life so unbearable that he could find no way out? Did he pick out those clothes knowing he would die in them? Did no one know him, did no one think this would happen? Could it have been prevented?

The man looked similar to a coworker of mine so I started to dig more. Do I know someone who might do this? How have I treated him or her? Does my mouth overflow with words of love and hope, or selfishness and darkness?

It was a dark drive home and now I have to try and sleep with this man in my thoughts. As much as I want to completely forget him, I hope I don’t.

Almost August. Again.

I was reminded by Mandy that it’s that time of the year again. I’ve written about it before, but it’s that time of year that I chose as my songwriting moniker, Almost August. I liked it because it puts me at the top of an alphabetical list, but mainly because it describes the craziness I feel before it is August as stated in my aforementioned previously written post.

And yes, I find myself in the same place. Out of school, but still having reasons to be anxious about August. For starters, I’ll be turning 25. That’s insane in itself. Then, there’s reminiscing and mulling over how things were one year ago. That’s more insanity. And if things couldn’t get crazy enough, I’ll be heading to East Asia in a few weeks for my first mission trip ever.

Did your head blow up due to this insanity? Mine just did. Read more »

Head west, young girl!

I am killing a little time in my layover in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I should be enjoying some coffee under the Portland, Oregon clouds right now, but God decided it should rain and rain terribly hard yesterday so my plans were thwarted. My flight from Dallas to New Mexico would not make it in time for me to catch my connecting flight to Portland. So they secured me a ticket for today.

Nina Goes to Portland: Take 2.

I wasn’t exactly happy, but I didn’t let it wreck my night. If you like people watching, the airport is a great place to do so. It was interesting to see how people handled themselves when their plans were thwarted as well. Some merely booked the next flight out, and some people muttered mean things about Southwest Airlines as if they control the weather. (Southwest Airlines, if you do, please send sunshine my way, thank you!)  I thought it was even moreso interesting that I happened to read this as I finished up Blue Like Jazz today:

“The most difficult lie I have ever contended with is this: Life is a story about me.”
~Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz

Anyway, just wanted something to kill some time. It is terribly hot in the neat little laptop area they have setup at ABQ so I think I’m going to pop a squat at the gate. In the midst of the ticket switch, I only managed to be in the B group. I’ll be ecstatic if I get a window seat.

Perfection.

Just wanted to point out something from my RSS feeds, specifically from Anne’s blog who took it from her friend Sarah’s blog. No, I know neither of these people, but Anne Jackson has written several articles for Relevant that I happened to stumble upon. Then I stumbled upon her blog. I enjoy her posts because she definitely sounds like someone I’d love to have coffee with over conversations on design, the world wide web, and life in general. Anyway, here’s the quote:

My perfectionism creates a demand for the unattainable. This perpetuates my self-hate and tendency to isolate - because if I can’t be perfect, no one will accept or love me, of course. Our society demands perfection. Everyone I encounter is “puttin’ on airs,” as my dad would say. (Southern for pretending to be something you’re not). Image is everything. I loathe my imperfection. I wish I was pious enough to embrace it as a reminder of the abundant Grace which covers my imperfection. But I can’t claim to be anything of the sort. Imperfection to me spells disaster. On the one hand, I do seek to be transparent in some areas. What an oxymoron. Partially transparent.

I don’t know what to say about it right now, but it hit a chord in me so I thought I’d make note here.

As far as life has been, it’s been busy. A good busy though, as a few of us have been celebrating a friend’s birthday all weekend long. It left a bittersweet taste in my mouth though as I’ve realized our times together are definitely numbered. I mean, yes, duh, my days on earth are numbered, but I’m guessing the chances of all of us getting together again could be counted on my hands. People are picking up and moving out. It’s strange.

Today I just felt resistance to growing up. Strong resistance. Because growing up means letting go and there’s just some stuff that I don’t want to let go of, you know? In due time, I suppose. I just think back to the circles I used to run in and I don’t remember when the circles changed. I think back at all of my closest friends and how I barely know them anymore. (Except for one or two!) But schools change, classes change, jobs change, locations change, and hearts change.

Personally, I don’t think I’ve ever get used to it. I still think about all my best friends from junior high, high school ,and college and wonder what went wrong. But, in most cases, I’m sure nothing went wrong. That’s just how life works. People walk in and out. No wonder people yearn for something solid to stand on.