On books.

1. One book that changed your life: Aside from the usual Christian answer, I will say The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne mucked my life up pretty well. It helped me open my eyes as to how self-seeking we are, but how one guy actually thought the same thing, but went out and actually did some things.

2. One book that you’ve read more than once: Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. I checked it out four times in a row in junior high, I read that thing ’til I couldn’t read no more. I don’t like sci-fi but I do like books on distopian worlds (the possible future).

3. One book you’d want on a desert island: Now I’ll use the Christian answer, The Bible, just because I’ve never read it through before and having nothing else to do… well, it’d be a perfect time for me to get to know it better.

4. One book that made you laugh: I had a couple of joke books when I was a kid. I guess those made me laugh. I can’t really think of one that made me continuously laugh.

5. One book that made you cry: Schindler’s List makes me cry every time. Both the book and the movie.

6. One book you wish had been written: Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. It’s so casual and so “thinking aloud” and not so in-your-face about Jesus, but I still effective, I think.

7. One book you wish had never been written: I agree with Ann, books on wealth theology don’t jive with me. I don’t think Jesus would support a 12-step program on increasing your wealth and investments. Just me?

8. One book you’re currently reading: I tend to read more than one book at a time, but my coffee time book is currently The Barbarian Way by Erwin Raphael McManus. Barbarians are passionate. And we should be too, I think is what he’s getting at.

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read: Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. I am starting to think I am one of the few Christian girls that hasn’t read that.

10. Tag five others: You, you, and you. It doesn’t matter. It’d be neat if someone else did it too, I guess.

Almost August.

It is 6:38am. I successfully destroyed my sleeping cycle during my usual 3-day weekend. I couldn’t sleep tonight so I read the rest of Velvet Elvis. And now I’m here, ready to ramble.

I told God at the end of April that I was ready. I was ready for change. Change from my old ways that just got, well, really old. It wasn’t the fact that I wasn’t happy. It was more than the unhappiness. There were battles being fought. Physically, yes. I’ve got scars from them. Mentally, yes. I’ve played mind games with the best of them. Spiritually, very much yes… but very much no. My spiritual battle was one being fought, but I rarely joined in. I was dry. Parched. Defeated.

And now it’s almost August. Today I just thought about this summer and the places I’ve been. (Not literally, because literally, I’ve just been in North Texas and Lubbock. Not that exciting.) I went back somewhere I had been and it had changed too. Through my old friends immediate actions that late night in April, I see God’s forgiveness. His grace. His mercy. I read a few books (The Irresistible Revolution and Velvet Elvis) that renewed my outlook on what it could possibly mean to follow Christ. Along with the words from The Bible, I see God’s hope. People that believe God didn’t mean for there to be waiting, that Heaven (and Hell) are here on earth. A Savior that says, “Come and see” and never fails to show me something new. And through a few close friends, our renewed friendships, and our trials, I see God’s love. I am starting to see what accountability means and how ugly it may get, but how necessary it is. I see honesty in a new light.

I’m not in school anymore and my work schedule remains the same, but I still refer to everything in “semesters.” The new semester is coming up. Summer is almost over. I named my “band”/side project Almost August after an e-mail I wrote a good friend many years ago. I wrote about all the anxieties I had about the new school year. Also, my birthday just so happens to land on the eighth day of the eighth month, so I also wrote about all the anxieties I had about becoming older. There just always seems to be a little pressure during these “new” years. Like they are supposed to be… new. I titled the e-mail, “Almost August,” and my friend replied and added the fact that the subject line was an excellent name for a band.

I’ve written songs in junior high and high school, but I feel that when I really started writing songs was in college during my Junior year. I don’t know how some writers do it, but I could never write about wars I’ve never been in, places I’ve never been to, or my “grillz.” So I just wrote from the heart. And the songs that emerged — well, the ones I favor — were the songs that were the most honest, the most raw, and the most flexible. Songs that anyone with a heart could relate to. Who hasn’t loved? Who hasn’t been hurt? And who hasn’t, even in the slightest bit, hoped for something more?

And so it goes. I wrote enough songs to figure I could keep writing and my name is too long. The songs fit the theme I had in my e-mail to my friend. And, in a way, this is version 2.0 of that e-mail. Because I feel that anxiety again. Yes, I don’t have school, but I still have to blow out those birthday candles and there are instances in my life that I feel will be made new this month. And I have this heart, a little worn down with almost 24-years of battle scars, that — for some crazy reason — is bursting with hope for something more.

It’s almost August.