More blogging for Jesus.

Just wanted to point out what God is doing with a handful of bloggers. I’ve mentioned her before, but Anne Jackson (flowerdust.net) and a few other awesome bloggers (including musician Shaun Groves) are merging their blogging skills, Jesus, and the people of Uganda in a week, for a week. All of them will be heading off to Uganda, to share Christ — not only to the people there, but to the people all over the world who happen to run across their blogs.

This is something I would love to do during my mission trips, but for security reasons, cannot. So, much prayer goes out to the fifteen history makers - for security, health, focus, and the continued reminder to be open, honest, and willing vessels for Christ’s love to really shine in Uganda.

Keep up with Anne as she starts her journey February 10th. You can also check out the other bloggers listed on her site.

Blogging for Jesus?

I read a few dystopian novels in high school, like Fahrenheit 451 and Brave New World, so there is part of me that really hesitates when it comes to technology. I know, it’s strange, my job totally depends on it. To be honest, sometimes I see it more of a distraction from things that “really matter.”

However, I believe specific things happen at specific times, so it’s no mistake I am living right now, during the “Internet Age.” And I’m starting to learn that the church can totally embrace technology which is such a huge communicating tool. HUGE. I imagine it would boggle apostle Paul’s mind that we can shoot an e-mail halfway across the world in a minute and listen to sermons from other churches within a few clicks. To reach more people? Heck yeah, I think he’d do it.

Anyway, there are a few blogs I keep up with that have this feeling of community. These blogs see the advantages and how technology can be used for the advancement of the Kingdom. Specifically, I just wanted to point out the prayer request post at flowerdust.net that received a lot of responses. Anne, the blogger, understands communicating and it has been interesting to see her readers respond to this post and other posts. In fact, she’s jumping into it and will be working at lifechurch.tv which I need to check out in my spare time.

Even though I’ve never met her, her and other bloggers have got me thinking technology doesn’t have to be the big, hairy, distracting monster. In fact, I may just become best friends with this “monster.”

Discontent and Transformation.

I’ve been stupid busy lately. Some of it is valid and some of it isn’t. I’ve been slammed with changes at work, changes that affect my everyday routine. My habits. So, the changes haven’t exactly been met with open arms yet. But my invalid busyness is due to my increased procrastination in conjunction with my increased responsibilities. In sum, the more work Nina gets, the less Nina does. I know, Nina makes no sense.

I have been encouraged by a strange source: the blogging community. There are a handful of blogs I suscribe to and I read my feeds during my downtime at work. And I noticed a trend among all my fellow bloggers - that we all have dreams, goals to achieve but that there is conflict to overcome. Okay, okay, so that is a trend with every human being, but it has been encouraging to read these thoughts and know that I’m not alone in my discontentment.

My discontentment has been at an all-time high (or close), mainly because I feel like I am on the verge of something great, but I’m holding back. It’s like life is on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t quite get there. So to resolve this friction, I’ve given myself more distractions, unnecessary distractions. And yes, nothing has been resolved. There is definitely a monkey on my back.

But I read this on Dan Kimball’s blog as he speaks about his church’s mission statement:

We start it with “asking God to transform us” as it needs to be God not human effort when we are serving on the mission and our sinful nature would likely make us more self-centered than others-centered - so it must be the Spirit of God changing us as we serve Him.

And I haven’t been able to forget it. Combined with guest speaker Eric Mason’s message a few weeks back on BROKENNESS and you’ve got me not only thinking about where God wants to take me, but also what God is trying to teach me RIGHT NOW.

Where am I right now? Discontent, procrastinating, self-loathing, stressed, insecure, hopeful, dreaming.

What does God want me to learn right now? I thought maybe He’d want to increase my patience, but in all my stale waiting, I think He is also reminding me that I need to at least get off my keyster. But maybe, just maybe, He doesn’t want me to get up to do, do, do. Maybe, just maybe, He’s reminding me that before I do, I should pray. And not just pray my usual prayer that He’ll give me strength for whatever I do, but to actually pray that He guides what I do. Pray for transformation. Because I can’t change the world and I can’t change myself.

“Alone.”

I’ve been re-reading Blue Like Jazz for the past week because…

1) It’s weird to recommend books (or movies or music or anything, really) when I don’t remember much of it. I read Don Miller’s book when I first arrived in Dallas almost two years ago and it changed my thought process a little, in a good way. I can’t even tell you why anymore. But, I still recommend the book so I might as well refresh the ol’ peanut memory.

2) I’m hitting up Portland, Oregon soon - this city that Miller writes so fondly about. I like to say it’s a “magical” place although I’m sure no Oregonian would describe it in that way. It’s Miller’s fault that I’m in love with a place I’ve never been to before. Oregon should hire Miller to whip up an advertising campaign to encourage people to visit. I’ve been writing down places he mentions in hopes that I can visit these places and say, “Hey! Don Miller was here!”

Anyway, all that was not the point of this post. The point is that I’ve been reading the book for those two purposes… but I think God used it to remind about something. Last night, I ended on the chapter titled, “Alone.” Miller is big on community which lines up with the pastors I listen to, and shoo, Jesus kinda liked crowds too, yeah? Even I shoot my mouth off about community, probably because of all of the aforementioned people said it’s a good thing. And my brain agrees.

Miller writes: Rick [edit: Imago Dei Community pastor, Portland, OR] told me, a little later, I should be living in community. He said I should have people around bugging me and getting under my skin because without people I could not grow - I could not grow in God, and I could not grow as a human. We are born into families, he said, and we are needy at first as children because God wants us together, living among one another, not hiding ourselves under logs like fungus. You are not a fungus, he told me, you are a human, and you need other people in your life in order to be healthy.

I read this last night and felt that twinge. Like, “Oh man, I’m not doing this right.” I harp on people about community, but when it comes down to it, my whole body revolts because shoo, community is hard. Community is hard because it’s a synonym for “a whole bunch of sinners, living life together” and that can get ugly. People are different - they are strange, awkward, loud, quiet, obnoxious, paranoid, messy, stressed, stressful, and have the power to hurt you.

I’ve been living by myself in Dallas for almost two years. I understand the crazy thoughts Miller admits in the chapter, “Alone.” Living by yourself definitely has perks — your mess is your mess, the TV is always on the channel I want it to be on, and I’m on my time. I don’t doubt this has socially stunted me though. It’s put me in a very “me-centered” state-of-mind all the time and I’ve become very selfish with my time at home. I’m not dissing time alone at all because that is definitely needed, as Jesus even found time regularly to be alone and with the Father. But I think living in community forces you into thinking about others more than self.

Long story short, I went to bed with that on my mind last night. Then tonight, someone asked me if I’d be interested in moving into her house.

Weird.

I’m not sure if that’s going to go anywhere, but right now, I’ll take it as a reminder from God that I need to stop paying market price for my single bedroom apartment, and go forth and face some fears.

Tomorrow my bro flies in and we’ll be enjoying some John Mayer and Ben Folds action. It’ll be a busy weekend, so keep it cool, cats.

Rebirth. (”I’m not dead yet! I feel happy!”)

It’s been well over a month since my last post, but I have my reasons. Mainly, I thought my last post was important, so I wanted to make sure everyone got to read it once or twice. But I’ve also been busy, furiously trying to focus on what I’ve found to be worth focusing.

Before I start rambling, I’d like to announce that I will be baptized Saturday night at the 7pm service at The Village Church.

A few of you may be surprised that I have not been baptized yet, in which you’d be halfway right. Without getting too much into it, I was baptized as a child, sprinkled with water, at the Catholic church my mom attended. My relationship with Jesus did not fully begin until I accepted Him as my Lord and Savior about five years ago. I always wondered if I should get baptized again, hearing the popular phrase, “Once baptized, always baptized.” However, after reading through the Gospels, I feel led to be baptized as Jesus was baptized. This act will not save me, as I have been saved already, but it is my chance to show Jesus I love Him, and to my church, ask that they love me - that in my new life, I hope they will rebuke me, forgive me, and love me.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” - 2 Cor 5:17

If you had asked me before I moved to Dallas what I thought about Christianity - the church, the Christians, the strange culture - I probably would have given you words of cynicism. To be honest, I still will. Because let’s face it. Christians give Christianity a bad name too often. Ultimately, I believe it’s up to God’s mercy to save unbelievers, but seriously, nothing will turn an unbeliever away from Jesus quicker than a hypocritical, self-righteous Christian.

I know this because I am too often that Christian. I have hated a brother and sister in need. I have created some imaginary ladder of goodness, ranking myself higher than others in the morality scale. I will try and justify my evil deeds, but be quick to condemn others. I have claimed that I love Jesus with all my heart, yet fail to show it. And I have seen my ugliness leave a bitter taste in people’s hearts.

I didn’t love the Church because of most people’s excuse - The Church is full of hypocrites. No, actually that is why I love the Church. It is a community of broken, ugly people that know they are in desperate need of a Savior. I didn’t love the Church because I saw churches as businesses. I saw their grand buildings, their well-dressed people, they new, hip services and contemporary music. I saw their desperate attempts to lure in new people, but too often I felt they missed the point.

But I didn’t give up on the Church. I continued to seek for a community of believers to share life with and prayed that this would not be a search in vain, something to quench my selfish needs. But the more I read the Scriptures, the more I craved community - some place to learn, some people to love, just somewhere I could admit that I am not okay and be safe.

I read somewhere that the bar is probably the closest thing some people get to church. Like the Cheers theme song goes, it’s “where everyone knows your name.” You can feel safe, accepted, and loved. But at what expense? And how long does that feeling last?

But I have finally found community. It is broken and it is tough, but we declare we are desperately in need of Jesus and desperate to love and be loved. I am excited to have the opportunity to stand in front of my church Saturday night and tell them my testimony (in a nutshell, of course). I am excited to have my small group and good friends present, even having one of my closest friends perform the baptism — that they can all witness the symbolism that I am dead to my old life, but am now alive in Jesus Christ, a new life. And I am excited to see where this journey continues to take me, forever thankful for everything it’s been so far.

(A cookie for whoever knows that movie I’m quoting in the title!)