All-nighter recap.

I have successfully transitioned from normal people hours to strange night shift hours. I’m not sure if I should consider it a success, considering there’s no specific reason why I switched my sleeping schedule around. I slept all day Sunday, then decided to really start my day by going to church at 7pm.

Flat Matt brought it and spoke on unfulfillment, the seemingly unattainable goals and expectations we have out of life. He explained the three ways to respond to “life’s disappointments”: blaming other people, things, or events, blaming self, and giving up. We dug into Romans 5:12-17, tracing death, sin, and the cause of this “need for perfection, wholeness” back to Adam and the fall. Although we each have individualized sins, our major sin was inherited and imparted to us in the womb. But, we have been gifted righteousness and grace through Jesus Christ. The resolution to the sermon didn’t make sense in my head, but I have a feeling that’s a summation of my spiritual conflicts as of late.

I spent my “afternoon” eating Panda Express and watching Ugly Betty. I picked up disc one yesterday and had to rent disc two tonight. I had never watched the show before, but having Blockbuster Online, I tend to rent random things such as this. This show has a lot of heart. It’s refreshing to have the heroine be a physically unattractive girl with awkward traits, but with such honesty and integrity. It’s goofy, but worth watching.

I spent the rest of the night attempting to write, redesigning the blog, and notably, checking out the Q&A session from Mars Hill’s first part to their newest series, Religion Saves and Nine Other Misconceptions.

I listened to half of the sermon the other day which was interesting, but if you want the on-the-fly, honest, graphic questions and answers, watch as Pastor Mark Driscoll answers questions texted to him after their last service. This is a church that is unashamed to talk about the “dirty things,” which “dirty” or not, should not be ignored. It’s not for kiddos or the faint of heart, so if you’re neither, check out the Q&A session here.

AT&T is coming to setup their U-Verse stuff between 8am and 10am today (which is in twenty minutes!) I am quite stoked to get rid of Time Warner, especially after the one month I had no service. Maybe I should take a nap before they get here.

2007 moments.

I’ve been at my parents’ home (the land of dial-up) so I haven’t had a chance to update. For now, here’s my favorite memories of 2007 in chronological order.

Baptism - My mom had me baptized before I knew what that meant as part of the Catholic tradition. I became a believer in 2001 and thought, “once baptized, always baptized.” Something always nagged at me that maybe I should look into getting baptized again, so I did. Actually, I wanted to become a member of The Village and had to complete that as a requirement. I took the mandatory baptism class which made the experience richer. I had my good friend Courtney baptize me as I stood in front of the congregation and my friends and declared my faith. We also had Palio’s pizza beforehand so it was a pretty good day.

The Band - My friend Megan and I always talk about music and our rockstar dreams. She found two other girls with similar passions and we rocked out for a month or so. At first, I thought it was a joke, but then I realized the drummer, Z, was amazing and Megan and the singer, Steph, were passionate about getting this thing going. We had a date set for Memorial Day to play a gig and practiced a lot, getting a few cover songs down. We goofed off a lot, but we also had fun piddling around and even hitting up church together. It was an unlikely combination, but it worked. Sadly, the party did not happen so we did not play, and when I came back from Asia, half the band started their real world jobs. We haven’t played since, but I’d be up for it again anytime.

Week before Asia - The week before my Asia trip was a hectic one. All the packing, planning, working, and my birthday was squeezed in there. All the encouragement I received from friends, family, and strangers was God sent and totally helped me get through the preparations and last minute hesitations. As a birthday gift, my friends helped me out big $$$ time and my bandmates put together a care package, complete with compact toilet paper and hand sanitizers. These gifts and the time spent made my heart happy.

Last night in Asia - I spent almost two weeks in east Asia and met some amazing people. During our last week, we dedicated our time to two of our new friends - seeing the sights, eating new food, and just getting to know one another. For our last full day together, we went to see the incredible fountain night show (while eating KFC!) then just sat outside and talked. I had a crazy moment of peace sitting out there, staring at the neon lights of the city and smiling at the entire experience. I want to go back.

Afternoon in Portland’s Living Room - After reading Don Miller’s books and falling in love with Oregon, I finally spent a week in Portland with my friend Megan. We hit up some hotspots like Powell’s Books and even went north to visit Mars Hill Church in Seattle. But hands down, my favorite moment was sitting in Pioneer Courthouse Square. We bought some lunch from some food carts (I think I ate a Philly Cheesesteak) and popped a squat on the steps. There were loads of people just sitting and chatting and the sense of community was welcomed. Megan and I engaged in some great conversation which topped off the moment. Dallas needs one of these.

Chantanapummas + Wii - I bought a used Wii for a fantastic price just in time for my holiday trip to Stephenville. My brother has been encouraging me to buy one, thinking the whole family would join in perfect harmony to play together. Well, he was right! After all those times my brother and I would play Guitar Hero on my PS2 while my mom danced, we finally had something all four of us could play. I have never seen my mom laugh so hard in my life. She ended up kicking our butts at bowling and laughed every single time she hit a strike (which was almost every time!) Even my dad ended up trying it out and determined to beat my mom at bowling (which he did at 3am once my mom was tired!) It’s my first game console since the PS2 I bought in 2001 and it has already earned its keep. I can’t wait ’til the next family get together and am contemplating buying one just for my parents!

Bring it on, 2008.

Rebirth. (”I’m not dead yet! I feel happy!”)

It’s been well over a month since my last post, but I have my reasons. Mainly, I thought my last post was important, so I wanted to make sure everyone got to read it once or twice. But I’ve also been busy, furiously trying to focus on what I’ve found to be worth focusing.

Before I start rambling, I’d like to announce that I will be baptized Saturday night at the 7pm service at The Village Church.

A few of you may be surprised that I have not been baptized yet, in which you’d be halfway right. Without getting too much into it, I was baptized as a child, sprinkled with water, at the Catholic church my mom attended. My relationship with Jesus did not fully begin until I accepted Him as my Lord and Savior about five years ago. I always wondered if I should get baptized again, hearing the popular phrase, “Once baptized, always baptized.” However, after reading through the Gospels, I feel led to be baptized as Jesus was baptized. This act will not save me, as I have been saved already, but it is my chance to show Jesus I love Him, and to my church, ask that they love me - that in my new life, I hope they will rebuke me, forgive me, and love me.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” - 2 Cor 5:17

If you had asked me before I moved to Dallas what I thought about Christianity - the church, the Christians, the strange culture - I probably would have given you words of cynicism. To be honest, I still will. Because let’s face it. Christians give Christianity a bad name too often. Ultimately, I believe it’s up to God’s mercy to save unbelievers, but seriously, nothing will turn an unbeliever away from Jesus quicker than a hypocritical, self-righteous Christian.

I know this because I am too often that Christian. I have hated a brother and sister in need. I have created some imaginary ladder of goodness, ranking myself higher than others in the morality scale. I will try and justify my evil deeds, but be quick to condemn others. I have claimed that I love Jesus with all my heart, yet fail to show it. And I have seen my ugliness leave a bitter taste in people’s hearts.

I didn’t love the Church because of most people’s excuse - The Church is full of hypocrites. No, actually that is why I love the Church. It is a community of broken, ugly people that know they are in desperate need of a Savior. I didn’t love the Church because I saw churches as businesses. I saw their grand buildings, their well-dressed people, they new, hip services and contemporary music. I saw their desperate attempts to lure in new people, but too often I felt they missed the point.

But I didn’t give up on the Church. I continued to seek for a community of believers to share life with and prayed that this would not be a search in vain, something to quench my selfish needs. But the more I read the Scriptures, the more I craved community - some place to learn, some people to love, just somewhere I could admit that I am not okay and be safe.

I read somewhere that the bar is probably the closest thing some people get to church. Like the Cheers theme song goes, it’s “where everyone knows your name.” You can feel safe, accepted, and loved. But at what expense? And how long does that feeling last?

But I have finally found community. It is broken and it is tough, but we declare we are desperately in need of Jesus and desperate to love and be loved. I am excited to have the opportunity to stand in front of my church Saturday night and tell them my testimony (in a nutshell, of course). I am excited to have my small group and good friends present, even having one of my closest friends perform the baptism — that they can all witness the symbolism that I am dead to my old life, but am now alive in Jesus Christ, a new life. And I am excited to see where this journey continues to take me, forever thankful for everything it’s been so far.

(A cookie for whoever knows that movie I’m quoting in the title!)

“I’m still alive! I feel happy!”

I wish I had something to show for my online absence. Unveil a major project I’ve been working on, upload some fun pictures of crazy things I’ve been doing, or tell a story about some adventure I had the other day. But I don’t. So goes my neverending battle between mediocrity and greatness. Wrestling with ambitious dreams and lazy, comfortable routine.

But I have found something. Read more »