Insecurities, inconsistancies.

I finally went to a church last Sunday. It’s been too many months, for sure. Of course I was hesitant but I really got a chance to worship and learn at FUMC Carrollton. I also went to the evening contemporary service my friend Dane leads worship for. It was good to hear those “old” songs we’d sing at the Wesley. I call them “old” because they are actually relatively new worship songs from such artists as Shane Barnard, David Crowder, and the like.

I’ve also tried to take a little bit of each day to read more of Don Miller’s book, Searching for God Knows What. It’s not as easy of a read as Blue Like Jazz, but I feel that it reaches deeper than Blue did. I love how Don is taking the whole entire book to say over and over again –

Christianity is Relational.

It makes so much sense that we manage to put aside having a relationship with Christ to pay more attention to morality, becoming relevant to the new culture, and just trying to prove others that Christianity is “right.” Since I haven’t had to work much this week, it became a perfect time to look at my relationships, specifically with Jesus and with my close friends. I figure I should look at these first since I come into contact with them every day, yeah? Both relationships are far from perfect and realized that a lot of it has to do with my insecurities. Don’s lifeboat and circus analogies hit home - I am definitely guilty of competing for a higher rung, specifically on the friendship ladder. Why I feel it is so important that I am better than so-and-so friend, I have no idea.

In fact, there’s a lot of things I do that I can’t explain why I do. There’s a whole load of things people do in general and it’s tough to stop others and ask them, “Have you stopped to think why you’re doing this? Like, what’s the point of this?” Others tend to look at you like you’re crazy unless you happen to have enough time to explain that you’re reading this book that reminds you of how radical Jesus really was and how far, far away we are from heaven on earth.

I don’t know. Sometimes you get so fired up you want to say a hundred billion things but to every one you can and realize that’s not how it works. Gotta spread the Truth one by one. Relationship by relationship. It’s tough, but what else are we going to do on earth?