Blogging for Jesus?

I read a few dystopian novels in high school, like Fahrenheit 451 and Brave New World, so there is part of me that really hesitates when it comes to technology. I know, it’s strange, my job totally depends on it. To be honest, sometimes I see it more of a distraction from things that “really matter.”

However, I believe specific things happen at specific times, so it’s no mistake I am living right now, during the “Internet Age.” And I’m starting to learn that the church can totally embrace technology which is such a huge communicating tool. HUGE. I imagine it would boggle apostle Paul’s mind that we can shoot an e-mail halfway across the world in a minute and listen to sermons from other churches within a few clicks. To reach more people? Heck yeah, I think he’d do it.

Anyway, there are a few blogs I keep up with that have this feeling of community. These blogs see the advantages and how technology can be used for the advancement of the Kingdom. Specifically, I just wanted to point out the prayer request post at flowerdust.net that received a lot of responses. Anne, the blogger, understands communicating and it has been interesting to see her readers respond to this post and other posts. In fact, she’s jumping into it and will be working at lifechurch.tv which I need to check out in my spare time.

Even though I’ve never met her, her and other bloggers have got me thinking technology doesn’t have to be the big, hairy, distracting monster. In fact, I may just become best friends with this “monster.”

Dead.

I was driving home from a friend’s apartment tonight, heading northbound on US-75. Not an ideal time to travel, past midnight on a Friday night on a highway where many accidents occur. I was trying to decide if I wanted to take a toll road home but had just missed my chance to take the cheap way home anyway. As soon as I cursed my indecisiveness, I looked up ahead and noticed a strange traffic jam.

Like I mentioned, there are always accidents on this highway and seemingly moreso during the weekend nights. But as I got closer to the beginning of the jam, I noticed a lot of cars parked on the highway shoulders with their emergency lights on. There was no wreckage. But there were people standing in the middle of US-75.

There were no cops yet, so whatever happened just occurred. A man raised his arms as to signal that we needed to pick any lane, just not the lane they were standing in. I very slowly chose the right lane as the cars around me were full of confusion as well. Naturally, rubbernecking occurred and the traffic was going so slow I decided that I would turn my head to see what was going on just a few feet away from me.

Behind the group of people was a man, laying on the ground. He was on his back, arms sprawled straight out, blood on his face and balding head. His plaid shirt was unbuttoned and I could see his white undershirt. Just white. He was wearing some dark-colored jeans and his boots stuck straight up. There was friction in my soul and my body tensed up. Although I had never seen death before, I knew this man was dead.

I drove on, slowly and carefully as every car seemed to soak it in. It wasn’t until a mile out when my brain put two and two together. There was no wreckage. But the accident was at the intersection of US-75 and I-635, the “High Five,” with five towering overpasses that reach twelve stories high.

He had jumped.

I thought about the odds of me crossing paths with this dead man and why I had those few seconds to gawk at his unmoving body. And it’s strange, I found myself going through a similar process Anne posted last month on flowerdust.net. Why did he jump? What made life so unbearable that he could find no way out? Did he pick out those clothes knowing he would die in them? Did no one know him, did no one think this would happen? Could it have been prevented?

The man looked similar to a coworker of mine so I started to dig more. Do I know someone who might do this? How have I treated him or her? Does my mouth overflow with words of love and hope, or selfishness and darkness?

It was a dark drive home and now I have to try and sleep with this man in my thoughts. As much as I want to completely forget him, I hope I don’t.

Discontent and Transformation.

I’ve been stupid busy lately. Some of it is valid and some of it isn’t. I’ve been slammed with changes at work, changes that affect my everyday routine. My habits. So, the changes haven’t exactly been met with open arms yet. But my invalid busyness is due to my increased procrastination in conjunction with my increased responsibilities. In sum, the more work Nina gets, the less Nina does. I know, Nina makes no sense.

I have been encouraged by a strange source: the blogging community. There are a handful of blogs I suscribe to and I read my feeds during my downtime at work. And I noticed a trend among all my fellow bloggers - that we all have dreams, goals to achieve but that there is conflict to overcome. Okay, okay, so that is a trend with every human being, but it has been encouraging to read these thoughts and know that I’m not alone in my discontentment.

My discontentment has been at an all-time high (or close), mainly because I feel like I am on the verge of something great, but I’m holding back. It’s like life is on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t quite get there. So to resolve this friction, I’ve given myself more distractions, unnecessary distractions. And yes, nothing has been resolved. There is definitely a monkey on my back.

But I read this on Dan Kimball’s blog as he speaks about his church’s mission statement:

We start it with “asking God to transform us” as it needs to be God not human effort when we are serving on the mission and our sinful nature would likely make us more self-centered than others-centered - so it must be the Spirit of God changing us as we serve Him.

And I haven’t been able to forget it. Combined with guest speaker Eric Mason’s message a few weeks back on BROKENNESS and you’ve got me not only thinking about where God wants to take me, but also what God is trying to teach me RIGHT NOW.

Where am I right now? Discontent, procrastinating, self-loathing, stressed, insecure, hopeful, dreaming.

What does God want me to learn right now? I thought maybe He’d want to increase my patience, but in all my stale waiting, I think He is also reminding me that I need to at least get off my keyster. But maybe, just maybe, He doesn’t want me to get up to do, do, do. Maybe, just maybe, He’s reminding me that before I do, I should pray. And not just pray my usual prayer that He’ll give me strength for whatever I do, but to actually pray that He guides what I do. Pray for transformation. Because I can’t change the world and I can’t change myself.

Big gulps, eh?

This will be my last post before I head off to East Asia. Sunday will be spent running last minute errands and spending as much time as possible with my buddies so I won’t have much time to sit still.

It’s pretty surreal. I know a few of you may be thinking, “Geez, Nina, you’re only going to be gone for two weeks… heck, less than two weeks! Why so dramatic?” I have this really antsy feeling about all of this. The very fact that all the things fell into place for me to go on this mission trip is nuts. It started with a simple video at church and next thing you know I’m rolling and packing up my shirts, wondering how many times I can rewear clothes until my roommate notices.

Lots of people have commended me for my selflessness, my obedience, and I have to remind them this isn’t me. I’m a pretty selfish homebody that loves routine. There’s a big part of me that wants to jump ship. There’s lots of doubt in my head: I haven’t been on any kind of mission trip before, I’ve never really openly evangelized to strangers, I don’t think I’m as “up to par” spiritually as my teammates… This list really goes on and on.

But I can’t forget about grace. And grace enables. My Lord and Savior didn’t suffer and die on a cross so I can sit at home in fear, quietly typing on my blog about things that could’ve been. Jesus’s sacrifice and ultimately His resurrection spurred the disciples to be BOLD. Read Acts, these guys go crazy - the same guys that denied knowing Christ just a few days earlier, the same guys that never understood the parables, the same guys that started out as simple men with simple lives. My calling is no different than these guys - to be BOLD in His Name!

And so early Monday morning, four of us set out for our little adventure God has called us to. I really have no specific expectations, but I know huge things will happen. And as much as I wonder how my little life will affect the people I encounter, a friend pointed out something… At church, we had been talking about being the salt and light of the earth. How being the salt of the earth means breathing in spiritually and being transformed through Christ and His Word. As I was telling her about my fears and inadequacies, she said, “You know, this trip may be for you… to be salt.” And while I have just totally butchered what she actually said, I know what she meant. When I come back, things won’t be the same. I won’t be the same. I’m scared and excited, much like going up that first hill on the Texas Giant. (But, I promise I won’t cuss like a sailor through the trip!)

I do want to want to leave with words of thankfulness and gratitude. The Lord has shown me great love and has humbled me through His Words, my friends, and even strangers. I have been so encouraged these past few weeks when I have needed it the most. From such big things as huge financial support from my friends to little things like a bag of travel items from my new friends and clients wishing me a good and safe travel — I cannot do this alone, but the Lord equips us with just enough to get by. And He has definitely shown that.

So, on that note… “Big gulps, eh? Welp, see ya later!”

Sufferings and infections.

People that saw me today had the same general reaction. “Oh my gosh, is that contagious?!” with a subconscious step back. Oh, and complete with a look of total disgust, unhidden, on their faces. It was fantastic.

Last Tuesday was a really great day, mainly because I finally got to see Jimmy Eat World live in an intimate, acoustic setting with a good friend after some good pizza. I had a grin on my face the whole night. Except there was a scrape on my arm that itched like a mofo. I commented about it several times to my friend, but just thinking my skin was acting dumb like it sometimes does.

The next day was worse. And then Thursday it became very apparent that my skin was not just acting dumb, but it was severely pissed off. The scratch on my arm had somehow spread to my other arm and then started to make its way to my legs. The bumps were almost like pimples, itchy, itchy pimples.

Cut to the chase, I was going out of town for work on Friday and I needed to find out if it was contagious (I really thought I had chicken pox). Two hours and $150 later, the doctor took one glance at me and said, “That is poison ivy.”

Two weeks beforehand, I had helped out at Transform, my church’s local summer missions project in inner city Dallas. I had the privilege of helping a sweet old lady named Irene clean up her backyard. I remember three things she said:

- “I don’t like chicken. I like pork chops.”

- “I wonder if there is still weed out here.” (no, she was not referring to the weeds that had overcome her backyard)

- “Watch out for poison ivy.”

I had never seen poison ivy before, but didn’t really see any “leaves of three.” So I didn’t let anything be. Oops.

This could not have happened at a better time. I set out for Asia next week for a short-term mission trip and had been warned about spiritual warfare. I don’t doubt this is part of some crazy plan to shape up and talk to the Lord more. Also, when my team saw my afflictions today, one team member smiled and said, “Praise God! Suffering in the Lord’s name!” I smiled because this very thought is only thing that’s keeping me from breaking down and taking Benedryl to sleep the week away, in hopes to awake with no more blisters on my skin.

Also, after the meeting, I went to church in which Matt Chandler spoke on I Peter 5:6-10.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

Chandler reminded us that although some may build their house on foundation of sand and others rock, both will hit by the storm. Suffering is undeniable and usually necessary - to remind us that we are small and helpless, to humble us, and so that God, at the proper time, will exalt us.

So here I am, feeling very unprepared for this trip, insufficient, and itchy, but what better place to be than at the feet of Jesus, humbled, weak, and thankful?

p.s. - I almost took a picture of the massive blisters on my arm, but decided it was not for the faint of heart. Or for anyone else.